I want to take a minute today to reflect on one of the amazing things that I heard yesterday at Easter dinner. My cousin (well, really my first cousin once-removed I think...), who is an amazing mother of two very successful, intelligent, athletic, and faith-driven children, just started her own business. She's one of the most passionate people I know, both caring and charismatic, and every time I talk to her it reinforces to me that it really is possible to go through a lifetime of ups and downs but still remain - at heart - a truly good, giving, and faith filled woman.
Her new business very much strikes a chord with me, especially given some of the hardships I've had to face over the last couple of years, and about some of the self-doubts I've had with regard to my career, with my personal life, and with myself in general. If you know me at all, you know I'm peppy and optimistic about just about everything there is, but it doesn't mean the other stuff isn't there too. And we all need a way to deal with difficult situations and challenges - whether they're simple day-to-day irritations, or big life-changing decisions.
Anyways, long story short, here's the premise of her company: "exchanging" the negative for the positive when faced with challenges.
(Because, let's face it, how many of you when you get an irritating email or a text just shoot back a response that you - five minutes later - really wish you wouldn't have sent?)
1) Pause it!™
Take a deep breath, relax your shoulders and look around at your surroundings. Become aware & take control of the thoughts running through your head. Ask yourself, “am I ready to feel better or do I just want to complain?” Get a gauge on what you are feeling right now. Realize you have a choice of how you are going to react to the situation. Do not react emotionally to the challenge right now.
2) Accept it!™
Accept the situation for what it is. Wishing things to be different than they are will create a negative emotion. Accepting a situation as it is allows you to problem solve without anxiety being involved. Put the situation or challenge into perspective. You do not have to agree with the situation, you just have to accept that it is happening. Have a solution oriented mindset and move forward without anxiety.
3) See it!™
How do you see this problem being solved? Is this a vision that you are control over or are you trying to change someone else into doing what you want them to do? We are only in control of our own actions. What steps do you see that could help the current situation? Give 1-2 examples of some options that may work. The situation may not be exactly how you want it to be so what is a step that can move you in a better direction right now?
4) Speak it!™
What is your action plan and next immediate step? Say it out loud in a way that is "repackaged" into a positive action plan. Set it to paper; write your goals down. Is there a possible learning lesson in the challenge? Tell your friends and family how you are going to make your challenge better. Speaking positive words to others around you will help you to make your action plan come to life.
5) ExchangeIt!™
Look back at your original challenge and see how far you have come in a short period of time, you exchanged a stressful thought or emotion into a situation you have either accepted or turned into a positive action plan. You now have perspective, a goal oriented solution and some options that will allow you to work free of anxiety. Great work!
PASS through to ExchangeIt!
For me at least, the most important one of these is the very first. Whatever you're doing - however you're provoked or upset - pause and take a breath. Everything that Renee has said here is true: you're in charge of the choices in your life. You can choose to react to situations, and thereby let others control your life, or you can choose to respond thoughtfully, putting you in control of your own feelings and decisions. You've got to own it.
Life-Coaching
I never bought into the idea of life-coaching, per se, but she makes a good point here in the way that it stresses moving forward:
Life Coaching is motivational, inspiring,
encouraging and result oriented. It’s different from traditional therapy
in that the focus is on the present and future rather than the past. It
focuses on goals, behaviors and action oriented solutions. We often
look to everyone on the outside to solve our problem; life coaching is
different in that instead of having someone tell you what they think the
answer is, a life coach asks the appropriate questions to find the
answers already inside of you.
Remember: keeping your mind and soul healthy is just as important as your daily exercise regimen or thinking about what you put into your body!
Thanks for Reading!
CJ
